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A pang of jealousy hit me, stabbing me like a knife in the heart. And yet, what cut even deeper was the pain in Didi's increasingly broken, disconsolate voice. I held her to my chest and let her talk, listening in silence as she explained that she had sex with a guy from school in the backseat of his car a couple of weeks after her eighteenth birthday, months ago. She told me about the peer pressure from the girls at school, how she was constantly teased and made fun of for never having had a boyfriend, how hard it had been for her this last year without me there and how confused and scared she had been about her feelings for me, and, most of all, how lost and lonely she had felt all the time, how deeply she had missed me and how she could barely manage without me. By the time she told me about her first time, Didi was sobbing. "I didn't even like it, Ted, you have to believe me... It was so bad... I made him wear a condom even though I'm on the pill... I didn't really want him. It was two days later before she woke up, two days which seemed like two years, she had her stomach pumped twice, Frankie and I had a massive row when she said that mum was stupid, if she'd have been a man, I'd have floored her, but as it was Jim took her home and I wiped her number from my mobile."It's all my fault Jim" I told him as we sat together by her bed,"Tommy, if it's anyone's fault, it's mine, I shouldn't have allowed it, come on mate, stop beating yourself up, she's going to be all right" What are you two arguing about?" came softly from her bed and we both jumped up,"Mum" I was almost in tears, "We thought we'd lost you"She and Jim cried too, we hugged each other, all of us saying sorry over and over again until finally a doctor came and shooed us both away whilst he looked at her.We weren't allowed back in until after a police officer had taken a statement from her and then she was told she could go home the following morning.Jim took me to the hospital the following.
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